Childhood is considered to be the happiest phase of human life. But is this true for everyone? Don’t we see people around us struggling in adulthood? Adulthood? Yeah, because adulthood is directly linked with childhood. We’re simply the by-products of our childhood.
A Disturbing Realisation
Today, I was in a substitute lecture at my college. Our group of friends was seated, discussing our childhood memories. I noticed one of my friends, Ahan, sitting quietly and looking lost. It seemed very odd to me. While we all had wide smiles, Ahan had to fake a smile.
When everyone finished narrating their happiest childhood memories, I went to Ahan and asked, “What happened? Why weren’t you enjoying or participating in our discussion?“
He was shocked for a moment, not expecting that question. I asked again, “Is everything alright? Don’t you have any memories from your childhood to share with us?“
He got pretty nervous. I could sense something very big was on his mind. But seeing his condition, I felt I should stop. I said, “Okay, leave it if you don’t feel like talking about it. Let’s go to the cafeteria.“
He denied it. Keeping his current state in mind, I didn’t force him. I smiled, left him there, grabbed two mugs of cold coffee, and went back to him—not wanting to know his story but to make him feel a little better.
I handed one of the coffees to him and was about to leave when I heard him say, “Hey.” I turned and saw he wanted to say something.
Went back and asked if he needed anything else. He, being a little anxious, said, “Do you have time? I just wanted to chat with you.”
Ahan’s Story
By then, I understood where he was coming from. I sat with him, and we both had a few sips of coffee.
He then began to say, “You were asking me about my childhood. I was just shocked that you caught me hiding stuff in my mind. That time, when you asked, I got numb and couldn’t understand what to reply.“
When he said this, I felt a little comfortable as I thought I had made him uncomfortable with my questions earlier.
I told him, “If you don’t want to share anything, you can simply keep it to yourself. I won’t mind it!“
He took a moment and started to narrate.
The Dark Phase
He said, “You guys were discussing your childhood memories, which I found to be unrelatable. That’s why I kept a fake smile on my face.“
I asked, “Why? Didn’t you have fun during childhood?“
He said, “Childhood has been the darkest phase of my life till now!“
“I used to get bullied in school a lot. Neither students nor teachers liked me. They would just make fun of my smallest mistakes. And if not mistakes, then my race, ethnicity, likes, dislikes, body structure, etc. I was surrounded by narcissistic ones.“
“I had no friends, and no one liked to talk to me. Being a shy person, everyone made fun of me. This trauma directly impacted my academics, transforming me into a below-average student. Growing up, I developed a lot of insecurities and fears.“
Listening to all this, I was just shaken!
I asked him, “Why didn’t you share everything happening with you with your parents? They would have helped you.”
He said, “My home environment was toxic. My parents were on the verge of getting divorced. They would fight every night for absolutely no reason. Whenever I tried to cool them down, everything would be blamed on me, saying if I hadn’t been born, they would have separated.
“But even then I tried to talk to my mom about school matters. She would simply say that I’m academically poor, that’s why everything like this is happening, or would just scold me for being academically poor.”
“Everything that happened made me feel so guilty about my existence. Every inch of me wanted to commit suicide. I lost faith in God.“
A light in the darkness
Upon hearing his story, I was completely devastated! I could have never imagined this kind of childhood in my wildest dreams.
I asked him, “What kept you going even after so many traumatizing experiences?“
He said, “I accepted the reality of the world at that time. I told myself, life is like this only! This gave me a little strength to survive the trauma.”
After that, he got an urgent call from his cousin and left for home.
When he was gone, I sat by myself and reflected on this incident. We judge everyone from the same lens. Just because we had a fun childhood doesn’t mean everyone did.
Some had endless struggles. Life would be much easier if we started seeing life as it is and not from our perspectives.
I learned…
Everyone has a mask on! We can’t predict what one has gone through or is going through. But if we can become that one person who listens without judging, then I don’t think there would be a greater service than this!
Not everyone out there is blessed enough to have a beautiful childhood. Any adult trying to voluntarily keep themselves away from group activities, not sharing opinions, not disclosing personal life, not expecting special treatment from anyone, and not asking for help, etc. are a few signs of childhood trauma faced in several ways.
This story taught me so much in so many different ways that I couldn’t get over it for almost a week. If a child could survive such a toxic environment and still manage to become a strong adult, then why are we complaining about life being hard?
Was life fair for that young boy? It wasn’t! Then why are we expecting life to be fair for us? Life will be hard and unfair. We just need to learn to bloom in tough situations as well.