The person who doesn’t like being overly social and prefers solitude over group activities is often called an introvert. These individuals can be very nice to talk to and are frequently targeted by extroverts for teasing or mockery.
As the exact opposite of extroverts, introverts find it difficult to express emotions, needs, feelings, and pains. They are often considered boring.
Nature vs. Nurture
While some people are naturally introverted from childhood, others become introverted due to their life experiences. Today, I realized this difference while returning from the office on the metro.
It was a long route from office to home, and the metro was stopped for technical reasons. There weren’t many people in my coach, so everyone started chatting to pass the time as internet services were also cut.
Meeting Cia
Next to me sat a girl around my age. She didn’t seem interested in speaking. So I decided to start a conversation:
I: Hello
She (with a little shyness): Hi
I: I’m heading towards New Street. Where are you heading to?
She: I’m going home. It’s on Old Road.
Her way of talking made it clear she wasn’t comfortable. She seemed a little fearful, but I was interested in chatting more, so I tried to make her comfortable with a few jokes. After a few minutes, she seemed quite at ease. Her name was Cia.
The Truth About Cia
I wanted to know why Cia wasn’t talking and if the fear I saw in her eyes was real.
I asked, “Are you an introvert?“
Cia said, “…no!” I was shocked.
(From my experiences, I had figured she was an introvert, but she denied it.)
I asked, “But you weren’t talking and just observing everything around. So I thought you were.“
Cia smiled and said, “My nature is completely extroverted.”
(I was confused and full of thoughts.)
I asked, “Why weren’t you talking then?“
Cia took some time and replied, “I’m an introvert not by nature but by nurture.”
Cia’s Story
(It took my mind a few minutes to register it as I hadn’t encountered someone like her before.)
I asked, “What does that exactly mean?“
Cia explained, “When I was a kid, I went through bullying and body shaming. I didn’t have any friends in childhood, and I was made to feel bad for not being interested in things like other kids.“
“My family environment was toxic, and my parents never offered emotional support. These experiences lowered my confidence and became my childhood trauma. Whenever I have to talk to someone, I feel small and underconfident.”
I Was Shocked…
I was shocked to learn how elder negligence can lead to a child’s trauma. That day, I realised that not every introvert is happy being one.
Society plays a big role in making someone feel that way. When we see someone with confidence issues, we judge them without considering the experiences they had in their childhood.
Lesson I learned
Whatever our personality, be it introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, we develop it either through nature or nurture. We don’t have much control over our nature, only to some extent. Nurture is the external factor, where we’ve very less or no control..
If we, as friends, colleagues, siblings, or parents, can bring the lost light back into someone’s life, it would be the greatest service. Life is not fair for all, so let’s stop seeing everyone through the same lens.